jueves, 11 de noviembre de 2010
La Higuera de mi Vecina
Hace mucho tiempo, cuando de joven me solian vestir con zapatos negros bien lustrados y pantalones cortos de tela bien limpia, al lado de nuestra casa habia una casa de dos pisos, con la escalera de caracol afuera y, como un simbolo de mejor "status" social, una gigantesca higera.
Tronco grumoso, oscuro, coposo coloso verde que, al margen de ser grande, era el unico arbol como a dos o tres cuadras de distancia.
Junto a esta casa, cercado por muros de adobe con un debil escarchado de cemento, vivia mi familia. La casa en la que viviamos tendria casi dos mil metros cadrados de desvorgonzada pobreza. Todas las puertas habian sido "recicladas" con restos de otras puertas que nadie sabia de donde venian; desde la puerta principal y por todo el centro de la casa, habia un caminito de lozetas, todas eran de distintos colores y tamanos, eran un mozaico que mi abuela y sus hermanos habian hecho cuando recien se mudaron a ese terreno cuarenta-y-tantos años atras. Las paredes eran de madera, pintada de un aburrido marron que, con el tiempo parecia gris. Casi llegando a la puerta principal, habia un patio donde mi abuela tendia la ropa al sol, de ahi, sobre el muro de adobe, se veia la copa de la higuera de la vecina.
Recuerdo muy bien esa bendita higera que, a esa edad, era el arbol mas impresionante que habia visto (logico, sin contar los que habian en el malecon cerca a la casa) y a la que tenia cierto grado de acceso, por asi decirlo.
Mi abuela odiaba cocinar, sin embargo, lo hacia de forma divina. Sus dulces no duraban mucho tiempo en la mesa y pareciera que, en muchas ocasiones, nunca hacia suficiente. Uno de sus grandes clasicos:"el dulce de camote". Debo confesar que aun no me sale igual al de ella pero, esa no es mi culpa. Aparte del camote, el ingrediente crucial para un buen dulce de camote es la hoja del higo. Con semejante higuera al lado, uno no podria pensar que este ingrediente fuera dificil de conseguir, Sin embargo, algo que no mencione es que en esta linda casa de dos pisos, con escalera de caracol al frente y una frondosa higuera en su propiedad, tambien vivian una familia de la cual muy poco se sabia. Bastantes hermeticos y de mirada desconfiada. En retrospectiva, no los culpo. Y es que el ser pobre por mucho tiempo ha sido sinonimo de ser deshonesto; y en una sociedad como la lima de finales de los setenta, como te veian te trataban. Como sea, nunca habia habido una razon para entablar conversacion con la gente de esa casa. Se podria decir que aunque viviamos uno al lado del otro, no eramos realmente vecinos.
Usualmente alguno de mis tios iba a conseguir hojas de higo por otros lados, en el mercado la mayor parte del tiempo, cada vez que necesitabamos de la bendita hoja para los dulces de mi abuela. Es asi que, un dia, en mi cerebro una pregunta se formo: teniendo la higuera ahi, no seria mas facil el tomar unas cuantas hojas de vez en cuando?
Y es que el sentido comun de un chico de seis años usualmente es bastante directo y sin ningun tipo de eufemismos o tapujos, los cuales adquirimos de viejos. No estoy seguro como, pero antes de que pudiera pensar en las consecuensias, ya estaba yo escalando el irregular muro de adobe que separaba nuestra casa de aquel envidiado arbol. Al llegar a lo alto, me imagine a mi mismo algun tipo de Hercules en miniatura tratando de cumplir una heroica mision. "Y que es eso?" depronto vi el verde fruto de tan estoico arbol. Lo agarre, lo parti y su color rojo me invitaba a probarlo. En esa epoca no sabia que en el mundo animal, rojo significa peligro. De hecho, mi barrio no tenia ni semaforos. Lo probe con curiosidad y me gusto. Fascinado maldije al cielo con mi puño en alto por no tener bolsillos en mis pantalones cortos. Agarre unas cuantas hojas para mi abuela y varios higos que amarre dentro de mi camiseta, a manera de bolsa.
En ese momento me di cuenta de dos cosas: numero uno, la bajada no seria nada mas facil que la subida. Dos, mi abuela me habia estado mirando desde hacia un ratito, con los ojos serios y brillantes, los brazos cruzados sobre su pecho, las mangas de su chompa remangadas y en una posicion en la que, para serles franco, hubiese querido quedarme alla arriba por un buen tiempo.
"Alejandro! --grito la vieja molesta-- bajate ahora mismo". Dude el hacerlo. Mi Hercules ficticio se tranformo en un temeroso chibolo de seis años nuevamente. "Bajate ya! --repitio mi abuela-- y si te caes o te golpeas te reviento el culo a patadas!".
Hay que ser honestos, mi abuela tenia el corazon mas noble que he conocido, pero tenia tambien una boquita de marinero que no podia con ella. Luego, estaban tambien las opciones que me iba dando: bajar a que me castigue o lastimarme y dejar que me reviente el culo a patadas. Aun asi, los ojos de mi abuela ya me perforaban el alma y, como sin querer queriendo, baje con cuidado el muro de adobe en el que estaba.
Ya estaba por inventar una buena escusa cuando recorde la razon inicial por la que habia subido: las benditas hojas de higo que queria darle a mi abuela para que se haga su dulce de camote. Me senti bastante seguro de mi argumento y hasta fantasie con un abrazo y una sonrisa una vez que le explicase la situacion a mi linda abuela, pero una furibunda jalada de oreja me devolvio a la realidad.
"Ven conmigo carajo! -- del brazo me saco a la calle y luego me veia frente a la puerta del vecino. "Ahora le vas a tocar la puerta a la vecina y le vas a devolver sus hojas de higos y los higos que te has agarrado de su arbol". Mi abuela no era una mujer alta, en una multitud no llegaba a sobresalir para nada, sin embargo, envalentonada con la fuerza de la verdad y, cuando de dar sermones se trataba, ella crecia de manera substancial. Al parecer, el haber trabajado para una familia de militares cuando era joven y el haber vivido con monjas por un buen tiempo la transformaron en una especie de soldado monastico cada vez que se enfurecia.
Pues, ahi estaba yo, un petizo flaquillo en pantalones cortos, con tres hojas de higo en una mano y varios higos en mi camiseta que usaba a manera de bolsa. Tocando la puerta del vecino para pretender disculparme bajo pena de que me disuelvan el culo a patadas. Al abrir la puerta, una señora de cabello pintado, todo puesto en un moño salio y pregunto que pasaba. Mi abuela empezo disculpandose por molestarla pero ella queria traerme a su casa para disculparme por lo que hize, luego de darme un convincente lapo en la cabeza, me dijo:"Habla oye!"
Empeze explicando lo que hize y disculpandome, creo que hacia finales de mi disculpa empeze a llorar y extendi mis manos para devolverle sus higos y sus hojas de higo. La señora sonrio y dijo que no habia problema. "Esta higuera no es mia, esta aca desde que mi esposo y yo nos mudamos" --explico la mujer a mi abuela--"A nosotros no nos gustan los higos". Sonrio nuevamente y nos dijo que podiamos tomar cuantos higos u hojas quisieramos, pero que, llegado el verano, ese arbol lo iban a sacar de su propiedad.
Mi abuela abrio los ojos con sorpresa, creo que en el fondo ella queria que me gritaran para que yo aprendiera mi leccion. "Yo no crio ladrones señora --dijo mi abuela-- mil disculpas por esto y tenga por seguridad que, si necesitamos de su higuera, vamos a tocar la puerta y no subirnos al muro".
Entre mis lagrimas note una cosa en particular: la señora tenia un ligero moreton cerca al ojo derecho. "Se habra caido de la higuera?" --me pregunte. Muy presurosa mi abuela se despidio, agradecio por los higos y nos fuimos. Me parecio escuchar a mi abuela susurrar "pobre mujer" justo antes de darme un jalon mas leve de orejas y decirme que lavara los higos antes de comerlos.
"Uno no toma lo que no le pertenece sin pedir permiso Alejandro", fue la sentencia que mi abuela dio mientras me ayudaba a lavar los higos. "Y aun cuando a uno le pertenezca algo, uno debe saber como administrarlo, nada dura para siempre". Asi que, antes de que llegara el verano, mi abuela se aseguro de pasar a dejar unos cuantos dulces a la vecina a cambio de hojas de higo que ella, de manera cuidadosa, guardaba y secaba.
Una tarde de verano, mientras llegaba de la playa con mis tios, vi como se llevaban la higuera de la vecina. "Sabes por que la higuera no da frutos?" --me pregunto mi abuela que nos esperaba en la puerta de la casa-- "Hace tiempo Dios se molesto con el diablo por tentar a su Unico Hijo en el desierto, y mando a un arcangel a buscarlo -- mientras me decia esto, tres sujetos terminaban de cargar los pedazos de arbol caido en una carretilla en la calle-- el diablo de miedo busco donde esconderse y se metio detras de un frondoso arbol, una higuera, y desde entonces, el arbol da frutos sin dar flor".
Adoro los higos y aunque no me gustan los dulces, siempre veo con nostalgia un dulce de camote. Pero sobre todo, aprecio las ensenanzas que me dejo mi vieja linda: mi abuela.
jueves, 14 de octubre de 2010
I said what?!
Ever wonder what goes on in someone's mind when they understand something entirely different from what you said initially. For several years I have always endured this continuous misunderstandings in life, pinning it on my poor English skills.
My "poor English skills" were to be fault for my many failed relationships (well, not that many) with the American girls of my life, every time my mouth would get me in trouble my "poor English skills" were to be blamed. And so, I have lived half of my life making sure I choose the right words every time I interacted with the average American girl or people who might misunderstand my crude attempts to English grammar and pronunciation.
Recently, I realized something shattering: it is not me! It is everyone else! All those dumb, narrow minded elks that interact with me. Really, how else can it be that, despite my best efforts to communicate properly and hand-pick my words, still, there are pinheads willing to drape my words and ideas in a shroud of bad intentions.
So there I was, a few weeks ago, enjoying a "fag" (British slang for cigarette you pervs!) and trying not to loose too much money at the poker table. In fact, I was loosing more money than I wanted to admit, however, I was still having fun.
One of us was taking way too long to make a move, all through the night we all would raise an eyebrow wondering why our friend would take so long. Anyways, this was a friendly game so it was not really a big deal. We were all kinda joking about it and at one point I decided to let her know she could help the game by taking less time considering her options. After all, she was winning. "My grandma moves faster than you --I grinned-- and she is dead!". Laughs raised to the ceiling.
For most of my friends, joking about my dead grandma has been a very private joke, considering that she's been gone somewhat recently. It has been sort of a dark joke among me and my friends. They all knew that comments like that were designed to break the tension, harmful dark jokes with no intention to offend.
And yet, my little comment was the spark that would initiate the fire. Our little girlie friend took my words to heart and decided she was not gonna have it. Rather than telling me that my comment was infuriating to her, she decided to hold a grudge. Usually, this wouldn't bother me. In my line of work, being the kind of guy I am, you make your fare share of enemies, or at least people who would like to see you dead under a bridge. The first chance she had to express herself, without me present, she would not hold back and said my comment was offensive.
When word came my way, I retraced my comments and force my memory to bring me back to that particular moment. "Was my comment offensive?" I questioned myself. Personally I found my comment to be nothing but a joke, a sarcastic comparison. If she took it to heart and felt it was out of line, least she could do was telling me about it and I would have apologize. Yet, the question kept bugging me, what did she really hear?
Being the guy I am, I had to ask her. Next time I saw her I approached and apologized for such misunderstanding. Did not mean to be rude or disrespectful but I was wondering what she understood or heard that made her get upset. "Well, --she started-- I didn't like you saying I was dead".
I am sure a giant question mark formed on my forehead. I was ready to ask her in what cracked-induced moment I had literally said that, but, bit my tongue and nodded my head. I only said I was sorry it came to that, smiled like a salesman and walked away.
At that point I realized it is not me, it is not my poor grasp of the English language. It is everyone else who listen but don't hear.
Maybe I am just exaggerating. Maybe she is one of the many bimbos this city harbors. I don't know, it is somewhat liberating to have the option that maybe, just maybe, it is not me.
So I go back to lighting my cigarette, shuffle my cards and start dealing; hoping this time all I loose is some money and not my dignity over a rotten, harmless comment.
Just gotta keep telling myself:"maybe it is not me at all" and hope that people around me pays no attention to me anymore.
My "poor English skills" were to be fault for my many failed relationships (well, not that many) with the American girls of my life, every time my mouth would get me in trouble my "poor English skills" were to be blamed. And so, I have lived half of my life making sure I choose the right words every time I interacted with the average American girl or people who might misunderstand my crude attempts to English grammar and pronunciation.
Recently, I realized something shattering: it is not me! It is everyone else! All those dumb, narrow minded elks that interact with me. Really, how else can it be that, despite my best efforts to communicate properly and hand-pick my words, still, there are pinheads willing to drape my words and ideas in a shroud of bad intentions.
So there I was, a few weeks ago, enjoying a "fag" (British slang for cigarette you pervs!) and trying not to loose too much money at the poker table. In fact, I was loosing more money than I wanted to admit, however, I was still having fun.
One of us was taking way too long to make a move, all through the night we all would raise an eyebrow wondering why our friend would take so long. Anyways, this was a friendly game so it was not really a big deal. We were all kinda joking about it and at one point I decided to let her know she could help the game by taking less time considering her options. After all, she was winning. "My grandma moves faster than you --I grinned-- and she is dead!". Laughs raised to the ceiling.
For most of my friends, joking about my dead grandma has been a very private joke, considering that she's been gone somewhat recently. It has been sort of a dark joke among me and my friends. They all knew that comments like that were designed to break the tension, harmful dark jokes with no intention to offend.
And yet, my little comment was the spark that would initiate the fire. Our little girlie friend took my words to heart and decided she was not gonna have it. Rather than telling me that my comment was infuriating to her, she decided to hold a grudge. Usually, this wouldn't bother me. In my line of work, being the kind of guy I am, you make your fare share of enemies, or at least people who would like to see you dead under a bridge. The first chance she had to express herself, without me present, she would not hold back and said my comment was offensive.
When word came my way, I retraced my comments and force my memory to bring me back to that particular moment. "Was my comment offensive?" I questioned myself. Personally I found my comment to be nothing but a joke, a sarcastic comparison. If she took it to heart and felt it was out of line, least she could do was telling me about it and I would have apologize. Yet, the question kept bugging me, what did she really hear?
Being the guy I am, I had to ask her. Next time I saw her I approached and apologized for such misunderstanding. Did not mean to be rude or disrespectful but I was wondering what she understood or heard that made her get upset. "Well, --she started-- I didn't like you saying I was dead".
I am sure a giant question mark formed on my forehead. I was ready to ask her in what cracked-induced moment I had literally said that, but, bit my tongue and nodded my head. I only said I was sorry it came to that, smiled like a salesman and walked away.
At that point I realized it is not me, it is not my poor grasp of the English language. It is everyone else who listen but don't hear.
Maybe I am just exaggerating. Maybe she is one of the many bimbos this city harbors. I don't know, it is somewhat liberating to have the option that maybe, just maybe, it is not me.
So I go back to lighting my cigarette, shuffle my cards and start dealing; hoping this time all I loose is some money and not my dignity over a rotten, harmless comment.
Just gotta keep telling myself:"maybe it is not me at all" and hope that people around me pays no attention to me anymore.
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