I said what?!

Ever wonder what goes on in someone's mind when they understand something entirely different from what you said initially. For several years I have always endured this continuous misunderstandings in life, pinning it on my poor English skills.
My "poor English skills" were to be fault for my many failed relationships (well, not that many) with the American girls of my life, every time my mouth would get me in trouble my "poor English skills" were to be blamed. And so, I have lived half of my life making sure I choose the right words every time I interacted with the average American girl or people who might misunderstand my crude attempts to English grammar and pronunciation.
Recently, I realized something shattering: it is not me! It is everyone else! All those dumb, narrow minded elks that interact with me. Really, how else can it be that, despite my best efforts to communicate properly and hand-pick my words, still, there are pinheads willing to drape my words and ideas in a shroud of bad intentions.
So there I was, a few weeks ago, enjoying a "fag" (British slang for cigarette you pervs!) and trying not to loose too much money at the poker table. In fact, I was loosing more money than I wanted to admit, however, I was still having fun.
One of us was taking way too long to make a move, all through the night we all would raise an eyebrow wondering why our friend would take so long. Anyways, this was a friendly game so it was not really a big deal. We were all kinda joking about it and at one point I decided to let her know she could help the game by taking less time considering her options. After all, she was winning. "My grandma moves faster than you --I grinned-- and she is dead!". Laughs raised to the ceiling.
For most of my friends, joking about my dead grandma has been a very private joke, considering that she's been gone somewhat recently. It has been sort of a dark joke among me and my friends. They all knew that comments like that were designed to break the tension, harmful dark jokes with no intention to offend.
And yet, my little comment was the spark that would initiate the fire. Our little girlie friend took my words to heart and decided she was not gonna have it. Rather than telling me that my comment was infuriating to her, she decided to hold a grudge. Usually, this wouldn't bother me. In my line of work, being the kind of guy I am, you make your fare share of enemies, or at least people who would like to see you dead under a bridge. The first chance she had to express herself, without me present, she would not hold back and said my comment was offensive.
When word came my way, I retraced my comments and force my memory to bring me back to that particular moment. "Was my comment offensive?" I questioned myself. Personally I found my comment to be nothing but a joke, a sarcastic comparison. If she took it to heart and felt it was out of line, least she could do was telling me about it and I would have apologize. Yet, the question kept bugging me, what did she really hear?
Being the guy I am, I had to ask her. Next time I saw her I approached and apologized for such misunderstanding. Did not mean to be rude or disrespectful but I was wondering what she understood or heard that made her get upset. "Well, --she started-- I didn't like you saying I was dead".
I am sure a giant question mark formed on my forehead. I was ready to ask her in what cracked-induced moment I had literally said that, but, bit my tongue and nodded my head. I only said I was sorry it came to that, smiled like a salesman and walked away.
At that point I realized it is not me, it is not my poor grasp of the English language. It is everyone else who listen but don't hear.
Maybe I am just exaggerating. Maybe she is one of the many bimbos this city harbors. I don't know, it is somewhat liberating to have the option that maybe, just maybe, it is not me.
So I go back to lighting my cigarette, shuffle my cards and start dealing; hoping this time all I loose is some money and not my dignity over a rotten, harmless comment.
Just gotta keep telling myself:"maybe it is not me at all" and hope that people around me pays no attention to me anymore.